Tuesday, June 9, 2009

lunch break musings

I just finished eating some yummy steak leftovers from last night, my desk is covered with papers, I have my space heater on because I work next door to a menopausal woman, and I have three hours until I'm back in my car heading home. This is a good place to be at the moment, because this moment happens to be my lunch break. I have to share a secret about myself: when I have exhausted my other time-wasting resources (i.e. email, facebook, blogs I read, news articles, etc.) I like to take a little trip into the strange and bizarre world of personal ads. And from my somewhat extensive research, I have found Craigslist to have the most ammusing ads of all. Take these for example:

"Seeking female for occasional casual dating, friendship and just hangin' in general. Any age, race, marital status. No serious attachment or strings. Just friends, or friends with benefits (IF it MUTUALLY evolved into that), but if not that's cool too. I'm attractive, WM, 38, 5'9", 195lbs., clean-cut, brownish hair, hazel eyes, very intelligent, careered in the oil industry, non-smoker, don't drink, no form of drugs at all, mild-mannered and easy-going and LONELY."

"Okay I'm not looking to be someones sugar mama or sponsor and I'm not looking for a sugar daddy so no weird old men please. I need someone who can afford to travel their own. I have enough broke friends and if I wanted to pay for someone to travel with me it would be them." ***(this one was titled: "Let's Go on an Adventure")

"Hi, I live in London and would love to exchange stories/chat/email an American lady who loves the accent and loves James Bond -type English guys. I can show you a pic if you like and would love to get chatting. I am 38, tall, dark and handsome and ready, willing and waiting."

"Let's talk! But I would at least prefer you to have somewhat of a brain. If you do, please email me and we will see where it goes. --Ash" ***(Ashley P., if that's you I'm highly offended)

"I want some asian friends lol...a lil strange 2 ask but me and my sis was talking about it and I never had a asian friend (or asian descent) but I just think the girls are so cute and the guys are 2...I'M NOT LOOKING 4 LOVE, so please don't get that confused just some new ppl 2 club with, play pool(even though I suck hehe) lasertag just normal stuff....ima hugggge movie fanatic 2 and wrk with t.mobile.. .I'm not like a crazy weirdo SO PLEASE DON'T BE EITHER!!!!!!puhlease be around my age and not pyscho((NORMAL PPL)) oh im full mexican to and send a pic i wanna see my homie haha LMFAO" ***(could someone please tell me what LMFAO means?)

I was not aware that this is legal:

"Hey all, I just moved here, and I have no connections for the green. I need to meet some people that are into 420 that would be able to get me a connect or two for some dank dro. Let me know if anyone knows...I know this seems a bit weird and suspicious. But I swear I am very real and not any kind of law inforcement. I am a 29 year old corporate professional that just likes his meds. If anyone has the hookup that would be great. I will buy some and smoke you out."

Really? Are you serious?

It really makes me wonder a few things like; how many of these people are for real? how many of them get for real responses? how many people find what they're looking for this way? why did they think that posting these things about themselves was a good idea? I am just so glad that they did end up deciding it was a good idea for my own personal reading pleasure. It's one of the best ways to waste time. I once read an add about a man with a foot fetish, it was so incredibly disturbing that I read it again and again and became more and more disturbed. I wish I could find it and add it to the ones above.

***Disclaimer: these quotes were copied and pasted directly from the website and I did not edit them. These are actually real people.


  1. love it!

    a teacher at my old school in houston was on on his 2nd mail-order bride from russia when i started working there....and i'm not kidding!

  2. wow. it's just so weird, i want to have a friend who does this so i can ask them so many questions.

  3. LMFAO isn't it "laughing my f-ing ass off"? I think someone told me that recently, but its a little ridiculous. There are some good ones in the newspaper here, maybe I'll start cutting them out for you.