the big M

So, I'm a mother. That's still weird to say. But it means that in a very short period of time I have become overwhelmed by an indescribable amount of love for a tiny creature, occasionally speak in a strange high pitched voice, use terms like "bott-bott" for bottom (why??), am unfazed by poop and other previously repulsive bodily fluids (so much so that I have actually gone back to bed at 3am knowing there was a drop of poop on the duvet and didn't give a rat's you know what), get annoyed when loud cars drive by because they might wake the baby and often do (bleeeeping bleep bleep bleeeeep), get highly distressed when Maya wont go down for a nap and then look at pictures of her when she's sleeping because I can't wait for her to wake up, melt into fits of tears when she smiles at me, and generally think about her all of the time. It's great:)

I'm not sure if other moms would agree with this but I often feel that motherhood is like being bipolar--one day everything goes perfectly and you have so much confidence in yourself and your baby is happy and you're feeling on top of the world and the next day any small thing could set you off like you realize how exhausted you are and can't remember the last time you took a shower and the baby wont take a nap and you feel like a terrible mother. Maybe it's just me? On the bad days it's important to have a baby daddy who brings chocolate home from work and reminds you that your baby is happy and healthy and that he thinks you're doing great. Good or bad, it's the most beautiful, challenging, fulfilling thing I've ever done. The best job ever. When I peek into Maya's crib every morning and see her sweet little face smiling up at me I wonder why I didn't do this before.