35 weeks

Here I am at 35 weeks, a ticking time bomb. When I was about 18 weeks I promised a late pregnancy update. Well here it is...

-Being 8 months pregnant really improves the way you feel about your body, retrospectively. I now look at pictures of myself before I was pregnant and remember thinking I needed to lose a few and just laugh. HAHAHA, what a fool. NOW I'm fat. If I can get that body back I will be so happy. If.

-Moving is incredibly and laughably difficult. Which is cruel because of the number of times I have to get up to pee in the middle of the night. Sam often gets a good laugh out of watching me rock my way off the couch with the assistance of the coffee table and book shelf. Gone are the days of daintily easing my ace into a sitting position, now I just release the catch and collapse onto a seat. Timber.

-The belly can get in the way sometimes. I may as well wash the dishes in my bathing suit.

-The little sweet pea I'm sharing my body with is really good company throughout the day. It's like having a little friend in my pocket, with me wherever I go. She likes to wake me up every morning with a few love taps and maybe a somersault. I think I'll miss it when she's not in there anymore. But sometimes it can be a little, shall we say, distracting. Such as when she does bicycle kicks to my bladder during an important phone call, or practices her highly advanced kickboxing skills when I'm driving. I guess she has a sense of humor already.

-My poor poor ankles, where did they go?! And my feet, what did they do to deserve becoming Yeti-fied? I thought they were joking about your feet swelling in the last few weeks.

-There are so many nice people out there with kind and encouraging things to say about having a baby. Last night at dinner a lady at the table next to us leaned over and asked how "imminent" I am, and said that I was glowing. If you want to make a pregger's day tell them they look good, because it sure doesn't feel like it. Aaand I'm pretty sure I was just sweating but I still really appreciated the kind words.

-I didn't see it coming, but my maternity clothes have even become tight. What the. I never thought I'd even grow into them but now they're snug? Excuse me, this is unacceptable.

-The big push is quickly approaching. What's going to happen? How long is it going to take? Will I even survive? It's crazy to have no idea how it's all going to go down. Whenever I have voiced this opinion to other women who have had babies they say that if you knew what was going to happen you probably wouldn't get pregnant. Oh thanks, that's so reassuring. But believe it or not, I'm not scared. It's not like there's anything I can do, except pray.

-I find myself going into the baby's room a lot more these days feeling like there's stuff I should be doing in there, but usually I just end up looking at her little outfits and imagining a sweet little tiny baby in them and it's kind of overwhelming how excited that makes me.

-I feel really sorry for Sam. He has been so good to me these past 8 months, so patient, so kind. I feel bad he has had to live with this large, irrational version of myself for so long. The other night we were sitting on the couch before I went to dinner with friends and I was kind of moaning about how miserable I feel sometimes and I know I'm pathetic and blah blah blah. And Sam said, do you realize the last three things you said to me just now were "I feel so fat. Look at my huge ankles. Please don't eat all my chocolate while I'm gone tonight." Which is ridiculous and made me laugh hysterically.

-Besides being totally irrational I'm also a complete emotional sap, which is a trait I've always been terrified of acquiring. I cried on Thanksgiving Day when I had to go to work, I shed a tear when my favorite bakery didn't have any donuts left, I wept a little during the birthing scene of the latest Twilight movie (for good reason hey), and I even teared up while making my packing list for the hospital. Somehow writing down "must get breastpads" what too much for me to bear.

-Everyone tells you to expect to have really stupid arguments with your spouse when your baby is first born--usually in the middle of the night. But in my experience, the tension and arguments begin a little earlier, say, when you have outgrown your side of the bed and your husband has recently developed a snoring habit; "Babe, could you move over a little? And roll onto your side? And go get me a cookie and a glass of water?" Tension. Or when you get home from work really irritated by how many people needed your help (the nerve!) and you have to have ice cream or you're going to possibly commit murder but the ice cream is missing. Argument.

-To summarize: In the last month you are are large, uncomfortable, hungry, tired and freaky. But the best part is that it's almost over and you will then have a sweet little baby all your own. Which is quite possibly freakier. But still, I can actually see now that I will miss being pregnant, it's been such a weird and interesting experience, and very sweet and memorable too. I have really enjoyed it and I can't wait to see the outcome--our baby girl.