I haven't been making a big deal about this (in blog form) in the past few months because, quite frankly, I couldn't be bothered. It was always such a dumb thing to have to think about. Here is a timeline, however, of my recent UK driving important events (it would be fair to also call these events "incidents"):
March 25-First driving lesson with my instructor who told me that I was obviously an experienced driver but would more than likely fail my driving test.
March 31-Second driving lesson with my instructor, this time in his car, which I stalled immediately upon pulling out of the parking lot and almost crashed into a truck in a roundabout. On this occasion I was close to tears/murder.
April 16-Rescheduled a lesson with my instructor because my mom was visiting and I would have rather eaten horse crap anyway. He told me on this occasion that he did not recommend cancelling any other lessons as I only had 9 weeks until my exam and that he highly doubted one lesson a week would suffice anyway.
April 20-Took and passed the written portion of the driving test and got 50 out of 50 questions correct. Began wondering what the B.F.D. was.
April 21-Had another lesson with my instructor in which I rubbed in his face that I passed the theory test with flying colo[u]rs and was feeling confident. He taught me how to parallel park and then I fired him. He said he was very concerned about my ability to pass as I didn't "demonstrate all of the manerisms the examiners look for." I told him to kiss my bottom basically, but in a nice way.
May 6-Picked up my bro-in-law from the train station and drove him home. He said I didn't make him nervous, which is apparently a big deal for some reason. I felt my confidence rising even more.
June 3-Paid my future children's inheritance when I picked up the car from the shop where it had an inspection which took 6 days becaue the catalytic converter had to be replaced. Drove to my in-laws for a bbq and met a car as I was going up hill on a one lane road. Stalled 6 times and couldn't get the car out of the mud. Screamed as more cars pulled up behind me and I still couldn't get out. Finally thought to reverse down the hill and then go forward, proceeded to my in laws, told Sam it was his fault and then drank a six pack.
June 12-Sam came into town with me to practice my manouvers. Confidence low, frustration high. The big day was quickly approaching...
June 14-THE BIG DAY. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, went to the toilet 78 times in 4 hours and then it was finally time to head to the testing center. Met the examiner, he was nice, I did fine except for reversing around a corner which I did very badly, wondered what manerisms I was forgetting to display, and then I PASSED. Easily. Oh happy day! So relieved and feel like it was really the only reasonable option anyway.
Through all of this I have made some observations about the whole learning to drive system here and have some suggestiont to make to Mr. Drivers License Guy:
Reversing around a corner is dangerous, why not just go around the block? Why would you even teach this as an option to new drivers?
Instead of spending hours teaching new drivers to parallel park, reverse into a parking space and reverse around a corner, why not teach them practical things like how to go through a McDonalds drive through, or how to know when you really are about to run out of gas and not to depend solely on the empty light.
Instead of learning how to engage your dipped rear fog lights and how to properly adjust your head rest, teach them to recognize the correct size of coffe cups that will fit in their cup holders. Will a Starbucks Venti fit or will you have to settle for a Grande? This is HIGHLY IMPORTANT. One wrong move and there's coffee everywhere which is much more dangerous than forgetting to check your left hand mirror as you're exiting a roundabout to see if some cyclist is dumb enough to try and pass you.
The correct answer to "How would you top up your battery acid?" and "Where would you put brake fluid?" is acually "Ask my husband" not "With distilled water" and "In the dang brake fluid tank."
It has been proven that it's much safer to drink a large non fat caramel macchiato with whip while driving than to risk not getting enough caffeine in the morning. Making a phone call while driving is, in fact, imperative if that phone call is to remind your husband to stop by the store before it closes because you're out of wine.
Most importantly, they should not mess with people's minds by telling them they don't stand a chance of passing just because they are trying to make more money. I hope that I pass my instructor one day soon so I can engage my full beams and "dazzle" him. I might also show him another one of my favorite manerisms, which is commonly refered to as "the middle finger."
Instructors and examiners have a lot they could learn from me if only they weren't so stuck up. It all seems so obvious doesn't it? But I'm telling you, they just don't get me!
